Slumdog...Winner

Alright, there are ten nominations for a film that has visible Indian talent and support but I am not too elated at the news. You may call me a cynic but I regret the fact that a wonderful film like, ‘Slumdog…’ will show India in bad light. I agree the term ‘bad light’ might not earn its full credential at the usage but nevertheless it does describe my state of mind at this uneventful situation.

I do understand that it means quite a lot to the whole crew, the music fraternity for A. R.Rahman’s exceptional music but I still can’t get out of my head the fact that Rahman’s given better music at other occasions too; however it went unnoticed in the past. I believe the key to these nominations this time was the fact that the movie had been promoted by a foreign name ‘Fox’ which has undoubtedly been excellent at its job but it raises that prickly feeling of why wasn’t it all ours?

Our talent has once again been exploited to the optimum and we fail to realize the need of the hour is to market ourselves better than what the situation actually is; just like the entire west has been doing…

I am happy, really really happy for people who’d get these awards but really sad for the rest of India which would smile at these nominations and still feel helpless at being able to do nothing about the poverty ridden, uneducated downtrodden Indian society.

If only I could make a difference... perhaps I even feel a tangible jealousy from those directors, writers and producers who got on with this concept and tried to show something so true to the entire world…… :l

Insanely Malyali

Today is the day to finally say it...Say, that I am an Indian but I cannot associate or comply with views from certain fellowmen (my brothers and sisters, as the popular pledge procliams). For instance I find it very very and I stress very hard to understand, adjust or align with words and thoughts of the Indian Malyalis.

Well, it's not like I have'nt been brushed with the Malyalis (term used for people who are natives of in the South Indian state of Kerala) before, but never like this...Being in Delhi is different, no matter which part of India you're from, you would either know some language to converse in (read English and Hindi majority of the times) or you wouldn't simply be conversing in the other language, that you know. It's not the case in Kerala I've seen...People here either don't want to speak in English and Hindi or they simply don't know a word of the either. The only choice thay make is to conveniently converse in their mother tongue Malayalam.

I mean why? Are we not all Indians? the Hindustanis? Last I remember, Hindi was made the official language for the entire country.Yet, I still find it difficult to survive in a land of reserved and stuck up Malyalis who have their fighting swords up and out before you can even say the words "Ille Malayalam" (meaning no malayalam).

Ok I do understand that for some people picking up a language is difficult or being uneducated holds them back from learning one but does that mean one has to be indifferent, cold and mean to other languages and their native speakers. Especially when the language is the country's official language- hindi??

I'll explain- I've been in this unfortunate land called Kerala for the past 9 months and I still haven't got my head around the reason for Malayalis looking at me as an alien when as I start to speak in English or hindi. They give either plain disgusting stare or create all the more reason for me to get agitated about living in an ignorant world. IT's as if they are mocking you for being so realistic.

From getting up to a maid who I tell every single day to mind her own business n leave me alone to a colleague in office who simply ignores every single sentence I say (even when I'm tryinh to help her with work) under the pretext that she doesn't understand. Now, tell me how ignorant can you get?

It has driven me insane to the extent that I end up writing this whole entry.. Keep glued on more instances and peculiar incidents from my everyday life with the malyalis...Perhaps I'm just exxagerating or am I? ??

Wow! I've resumed!!

I've been reading blogs. How often does one get to do that when at office?? Well, I do, thanks to the flexible assignment schedule, dependency on designers for creative work and my skills to finish work in time...yeah might be an exaggeration but for the first time in my life I can say I am able to do that!!
Now one might be forced to think why I resumed writing...The sole reason being: writing's like my heartbeat, I can't stop it. Even if I want to. It slows down at times, paces fast at others and then there are those rare times when it needs to be searched from a no man's land. The same with my writing. I write when I'm angry definitely, I write when I am happy seldom and I write when I am quiet hardly.
I had stopped blogging in 2007, university had come to an end and I was elated at going back home. Found it a least mentionable thing for my blog. Then I got married, that gave me least amount of time to start blogging again. Finally, I started working and that was another oppurtunity lost for resuming blogging.
Now the university is long put to rest, I'm married, working and still blogging!! Cheers to the invention and the drive to write...I can recall the lines from one of my poems...I want to publlish a book, each page a chapter!!
:)

It revived...just the poem this time!!

When I wrote this poem I was young and I didn't really try too hard to write this one. In fact words just seemed to stick together.It made sense to me only when a couple of my friends at school borrowed it to write in b'day and valentine day cards to their boyfriends. I wrote it and then I recited it once and now I write it again...the journey of 'LOVE AND REGRETS' from emotionless rhyming words to recital on special occassions to a fading memory~~
LOVE AND REGRETS
I thought in summer daylight, pondered in monsoons and rains,
Regretted in chilling winters, cried for reason or in vain??

I don't know why I said so, but said it is all I know,
Felt so conquered when I did it, so relived from head to toe.

I thoght to tell you straight the very day you called,
but never had the courage to say I'd had a fall.
I felt you were just suffering, suffering from something,
But now I know that I...........I was just so wrong,
I had loved you from the beginning,
I had loved you each day
I loved you when the sun went down,
I loved you with the morning ray!

Sorry....I took so long, So long to say...
That I loved you in the mornings and nights
And I love you throughout the day.

Ok now, some of this might not really make sense but I guess it's just the revival of emotion and the thrill this poem's recital always gave me...It just happened to come back this time however as a memory lacking the same emotion, and I happened to be thinking of a blog update at the moment!! ;)

Showers in London are exciting!!

Its been over a month since I last wrote...
Brithday came and went and deadlines were met...eventful rains!! Back home I loved it when it rained for the first time. The warm scent of earth would usually wake me up even in the middle of the night. I would draw the curtain right above my head to look at the little pearls rippling the loose soil in my backyard. Rains were never as eventful though, it rained continously and the smell of wet clothes would put me off. Besides garam samosas and coffee there was nothing more exciting, I just never wanted to step out.
This july it rained in London like it usually does in India, sometimes non-stop drizzle otherwise heavy and sudden showers! I wanted to miss home but work schedules never let me, however it did make me miss my bus.
Oh another story...After the final project's submission I had a bit of time on my hand, therefore planned to visit my sister in Eely (small town in Cambridgeshire), also it was a trip to celbrate my birthday with sm1 from the family. So EEly it was. I booked my tickets on July 22nd a sunday night, infact a monday morning (12:30 am) for tuesday the 23rd....oh wait a second did i say tuesday...yes tht was my first mistake, considering Tuesday as 23rd. Despite waking up early next morning, I burdened myself with loads of tiny little bits of work which was my second mistake....had to burn 2 DVDs of my final project, return 3 hard drives, buy sweet for parul, deposit money in the bank and PACK...yes tht wasn't done either. Of course with this much work piled up who could have ever caught a bus on time?? The race started in the library where I burnt 2 DVDs in as much time as it takes to burn five. Thanx to the wierd audio track that went out of sync on the first two.
After help from a lebanese friend from class and a madrasi friend from work I was able to burn 2 DVDs of my project, return 2 of the 3 hard drives and get sweet that my sister had asked home delivered! Grazie Mille!! Fianlly I rush to my hall at 12:45, pack in 10-12 minutes and leave at 3:00 to catch the coach from Victoria that leaves at 3:30...A RACE AGAINST TIME...every 30 seconds I would look at the seconds hand in my wrist watch. Every 10 seconds at the tube map drawn right in front of my eyes. I knew I couldn't make it, but it was exciting to wait and watch...To just hope I would...Adrenaline pumping, eyelashes flickering in prayer and legs going tipsy toe...I nudged, excused ran on the escalator skated and phewed to reach victoria coach station at 3:32 with my watch showing a little over time as its 10 minutes fast. I missed it....SIGH...Still I looked around went from one platform to another from one information counter to another in desperation to find some information that the bus has been delayed. NOTHING!! At 5 minutes to 4:00 I decided to take the next bus but conditioned myself only to pay 4£ pounds for this ticket too...The queue in front of the coach ticket counter was never ending...it took me 40 minutes of dragging a backpack, carrying a laptop bag and the takeaway food package in that queue to reach the ticket counter. I knew a Punjabi friend had once managed to buy an e-ticket from the same counter, how did he managed to do that I don't know but he did and I couldn't. I was told to pay 10 quids for a new one... I chose to let go off the offer despite all the wait...Watch shows 4:35(remember it's 10 mins fast). I change from one foot to another, think hard and decide against making a call to anyone even after taking out the 20 p coin in hand to ask what to do next. I wanted to take my own decision. I ran outside the coach station asked the London lite newspaper seller standing outside in the rain for the nearest internet cafe. It was a 2 minute climb right across the street. Watch shows- 4:42. I go in ask for a machine and see a woman just taking the last one in front of me...I sigh...asked to wait 10 minutes, I give a dreaded look....I don't have 10 minutes~~ A man is trying to take the same eticket print out from one of the machines as I wanted to...he takes 5 minutes to take that print...I get the machine at 4:47. Nationalexpress.co.uk and then click click click click....darn why do I panick so much...."deep breath" I tell myself and then shout out loud..."excuse me, can I simply just give a print command , hello excuse me"....all the eyes in that 10X10 feet space turn to me...sheepishly I avoid the looks...Ctrl P and I pick my bag, my laptop bag, my package and try to move out...dhdoommm... the chair falls off.. I pay 50 p with the paper pressed between my lips ... Shout "sorwyy I'm in bit of a hurry"....and fling open the door...I run like I have death chasing me, I cross the light without waiting for the traffic to pass...India flickers...and avoiding the newspaper seller's gaze I rush into the station...check for a sec CAMBRIDGE...platform 10...I glance at my watch it was 5:01, darn I would have missed this one too, i should have taken that 10£ ticket itself, oh man Parul's gonna eat me alive, I won't attend her call, I run and with everything in my body still flickering in motion I ask the Indian looking guy at the end of a queue...is this to cambridge?? He says yes!! Ahhhhhhhhhh what a relief!! I keep shaking for the next 5 minutes and then decide to pick parul's call, tell her everything, smile and wait...then I look at my watch it is 5:15 darn Why does it happen to me...when I am late the bus is early when I am early why is the bus always late....disgust!! I decide to shove down the emotions with a samosa...buy one, finish eating one, and then some polo as well. The tyres start to roll only at 5:40...What the heck!! the driver is lost...I take my seat, look out of the window... showers!! Showers in London are exciting...

A breather!!

Hidden fears,
A storm rises;
then calms...
Rests it doesn't!
Restricted and refrained, screams
Quite surrenders,
Stillness haunting
Qualms undeciphered, unpredictable,
they rise and I fall...tumble uncontrollably...
under my fears, a hope squished,
breathing heavy and faith taking its last breath...
Puff!!! light,

Rattle Rattle...

Mid-life and identity crisis...two very different forms of a situation that can arise perpetually in any person's life. Well they come uninvited and sit just right next to you on a bench atop a mountain that looks down on a sea...u don't want it there with you but it sticks like it just doesn't have anywhere else to go...

I write and I write and then I erase
Thoughts are cramped, feelings mixed
Want to publish a book, each page a chapter.
-x-x-x-xx-x-x-x-x-x-x--x-xx-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-xx

To wade through a sea of wails
Stand on the beach and teach whales how to smile
To hold a tender body close
Read a mind better than myself
Sleep in a heart made of red and pink feathers and a bit of flesh
Sit on a bench and let the world just BE...
I dream yet again...
Will I ?
-x-x-x-x--x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-xx--x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-