When I wrote this poem I was young and I didn't really try too hard to write this one. In fact words just seemed to stick together.It made sense to me only when a couple of my friends at school borrowed it to write in b'day and valentine day cards to their boyfriends. I wrote it and then I recited it once and now I write it again...the journey of 'LOVE AND REGRETS' from emotionless rhyming words to recital on special occassions to a fading memory~~
LOVE AND REGRETS
I thought in summer daylight, pondered in monsoons and rains,
Regretted in chilling winters, cried for reason or in vain??
I don't know why I said so, but said it is all I know,
Felt so conquered when I did it, so relived from head to toe.
I thoght to tell you straight the very day you called,
but never had the courage to say I'd had a fall.
I felt you were just suffering, suffering from something,
But now I know that I...........I was just so wrong,
I had loved you from the beginning,
I had loved you each day
I loved you when the sun went down,
I loved you with the morning ray!
Sorry....I took so long, So long to say...
That I loved you in the mornings and nights
And I love you throughout the day.
Ok now, some of this might not really make sense but I guess it's just the revival of emotion and the thrill this poem's recital always gave me...It just happened to come back this time however as a memory lacking the same emotion, and I happened to be thinking of a blog update at the moment!! ;)
Wednesday, 15 August 2007
Wednesday, 25 July 2007
Showers in London are exciting!!
Its been over a month since I last wrote...
Brithday came and went and deadlines were met...eventful rains!! Back home I loved it when it rained for the first time. The warm scent of earth would usually wake me up even in the middle of the night. I would draw the curtain right above my head to look at the little pearls rippling the loose soil in my backyard. Rains were never as eventful though, it rained continously and the smell of wet clothes would put me off. Besides garam samosas and coffee there was nothing more exciting, I just never wanted to step out.
This july it rained in London like it usually does in India, sometimes non-stop drizzle otherwise heavy and sudden showers! I wanted to miss home but work schedules never let me, however it did make me miss my bus.
Oh another story...After the final project's submission I had a bit of time on my hand, therefore planned to visit my sister in Eely (small town in Cambridgeshire), also it was a trip to celbrate my birthday with sm1 from the family. So EEly it was. I booked my tickets on July 22nd a sunday night, infact a monday morning (12:30 am) for tuesday the 23rd....oh wait a second did i say tuesday...yes tht was my first mistake, considering Tuesday as 23rd. Despite waking up early next morning, I burdened myself with loads of tiny little bits of work which was my second mistake....had to burn 2 DVDs of my final project, return 3 hard drives, buy sweet for parul, deposit money in the bank and PACK...yes tht wasn't done either. Of course with this much work piled up who could have ever caught a bus on time?? The race started in the library where I burnt 2 DVDs in as much time as it takes to burn five. Thanx to the wierd audio track that went out of sync on the first two.
After help from a lebanese friend from class and a madrasi friend from work I was able to burn 2 DVDs of my project, return 2 of the 3 hard drives and get sweet that my sister had asked home delivered! Grazie Mille!! Fianlly I rush to my hall at 12:45, pack in 10-12 minutes and leave at 3:00 to catch the coach from Victoria that leaves at 3:30...A RACE AGAINST TIME...every 30 seconds I would look at the seconds hand in my wrist watch. Every 10 seconds at the tube map drawn right in front of my eyes. I knew I couldn't make it, but it was exciting to wait and watch...To just hope I would...Adrenaline pumping, eyelashes flickering in prayer and legs going tipsy toe...I nudged, excused ran on the escalator skated and phewed to reach victoria coach station at 3:32 with my watch showing a little over time as its 10 minutes fast. I missed it....SIGH...Still I looked around went from one platform to another from one information counter to another in desperation to find some information that the bus has been delayed. NOTHING!! At 5 minutes to 4:00 I decided to take the next bus but conditioned myself only to pay 4£ pounds for this ticket too...The queue in front of the coach ticket counter was never ending...it took me 40 minutes of dragging a backpack, carrying a laptop bag and the takeaway food package in that queue to reach the ticket counter. I knew a Punjabi friend had once managed to buy an e-ticket from the same counter, how did he managed to do that I don't know but he did and I couldn't. I was told to pay 10 quids for a new one... I chose to let go off the offer despite all the wait...Watch shows 4:35(remember it's 10 mins fast). I change from one foot to another, think hard and decide against making a call to anyone even after taking out the 20 p coin in hand to ask what to do next. I wanted to take my own decision. I ran outside the coach station asked the London lite newspaper seller standing outside in the rain for the nearest internet cafe. It was a 2 minute climb right across the street. Watch shows- 4:42. I go in ask for a machine and see a woman just taking the last one in front of me...I sigh...asked to wait 10 minutes, I give a dreaded look....I don't have 10 minutes~~ A man is trying to take the same eticket print out from one of the machines as I wanted to...he takes 5 minutes to take that print...I get the machine at 4:47. Nationalexpress.co.uk and then click click click click....darn why do I panick so much...."deep breath" I tell myself and then shout out loud..."excuse me, can I simply just give a print command , hello excuse me"....all the eyes in that 10X10 feet space turn to me...sheepishly I avoid the looks...Ctrl P and I pick my bag, my laptop bag, my package and try to move out...dhdoommm... the chair falls off.. I pay 50 p with the paper pressed between my lips ... Shout "sorwyy I'm in bit of a hurry"....and fling open the door...I run like I have death chasing me, I cross the light without waiting for the traffic to pass...India flickers...and avoiding the newspaper seller's gaze I rush into the station...check for a sec CAMBRIDGE...platform 10...I glance at my watch it was 5:01, darn I would have missed this one too, i should have taken that 10£ ticket itself, oh man Parul's gonna eat me alive, I won't attend her call, I run and with everything in my body still flickering in motion I ask the Indian looking guy at the end of a queue...is this to cambridge?? He says yes!! Ahhhhhhhhhh what a relief!! I keep shaking for the next 5 minutes and then decide to pick parul's call, tell her everything, smile and wait...then I look at my watch it is 5:15 darn Why does it happen to me...when I am late the bus is early when I am early why is the bus always late....disgust!! I decide to shove down the emotions with a samosa...buy one, finish eating one, and then some polo as well. The tyres start to roll only at 5:40...What the heck!! the driver is lost...I take my seat, look out of the window... showers!! Showers in London are exciting...
Brithday came and went and deadlines were met...eventful rains!! Back home I loved it when it rained for the first time. The warm scent of earth would usually wake me up even in the middle of the night. I would draw the curtain right above my head to look at the little pearls rippling the loose soil in my backyard. Rains were never as eventful though, it rained continously and the smell of wet clothes would put me off. Besides garam samosas and coffee there was nothing more exciting, I just never wanted to step out.
This july it rained in London like it usually does in India, sometimes non-stop drizzle otherwise heavy and sudden showers! I wanted to miss home but work schedules never let me, however it did make me miss my bus.
Oh another story...After the final project's submission I had a bit of time on my hand, therefore planned to visit my sister in Eely (small town in Cambridgeshire), also it was a trip to celbrate my birthday with sm1 from the family. So EEly it was. I booked my tickets on July 22nd a sunday night, infact a monday morning (12:30 am) for tuesday the 23rd....oh wait a second did i say tuesday...yes tht was my first mistake, considering Tuesday as 23rd. Despite waking up early next morning, I burdened myself with loads of tiny little bits of work which was my second mistake....had to burn 2 DVDs of my final project, return 3 hard drives, buy sweet for parul, deposit money in the bank and PACK...yes tht wasn't done either. Of course with this much work piled up who could have ever caught a bus on time?? The race started in the library where I burnt 2 DVDs in as much time as it takes to burn five. Thanx to the wierd audio track that went out of sync on the first two.
After help from a lebanese friend from class and a madrasi friend from work I was able to burn 2 DVDs of my project, return 2 of the 3 hard drives and get sweet that my sister had asked home delivered! Grazie Mille!! Fianlly I rush to my hall at 12:45, pack in 10-12 minutes and leave at 3:00 to catch the coach from Victoria that leaves at 3:30...A RACE AGAINST TIME...every 30 seconds I would look at the seconds hand in my wrist watch. Every 10 seconds at the tube map drawn right in front of my eyes. I knew I couldn't make it, but it was exciting to wait and watch...To just hope I would...Adrenaline pumping, eyelashes flickering in prayer and legs going tipsy toe...I nudged, excused ran on the escalator skated and phewed to reach victoria coach station at 3:32 with my watch showing a little over time as its 10 minutes fast. I missed it....SIGH...Still I looked around went from one platform to another from one information counter to another in desperation to find some information that the bus has been delayed. NOTHING!! At 5 minutes to 4:00 I decided to take the next bus but conditioned myself only to pay 4£ pounds for this ticket too...The queue in front of the coach ticket counter was never ending...it took me 40 minutes of dragging a backpack, carrying a laptop bag and the takeaway food package in that queue to reach the ticket counter. I knew a Punjabi friend had once managed to buy an e-ticket from the same counter, how did he managed to do that I don't know but he did and I couldn't. I was told to pay 10 quids for a new one... I chose to let go off the offer despite all the wait...Watch shows 4:35(remember it's 10 mins fast). I change from one foot to another, think hard and decide against making a call to anyone even after taking out the 20 p coin in hand to ask what to do next. I wanted to take my own decision. I ran outside the coach station asked the London lite newspaper seller standing outside in the rain for the nearest internet cafe. It was a 2 minute climb right across the street. Watch shows- 4:42. I go in ask for a machine and see a woman just taking the last one in front of me...I sigh...asked to wait 10 minutes, I give a dreaded look....I don't have 10 minutes~~ A man is trying to take the same eticket print out from one of the machines as I wanted to...he takes 5 minutes to take that print...I get the machine at 4:47. Nationalexpress.co.uk and then click click click click....darn why do I panick so much...."deep breath" I tell myself and then shout out loud..."excuse me, can I simply just give a print command , hello excuse me"....all the eyes in that 10X10 feet space turn to me...sheepishly I avoid the looks...Ctrl P and I pick my bag, my laptop bag, my package and try to move out...dhdoommm... the chair falls off.. I pay 50 p with the paper pressed between my lips ... Shout "sorwyy I'm in bit of a hurry"....and fling open the door...I run like I have death chasing me, I cross the light without waiting for the traffic to pass...India flickers...and avoiding the newspaper seller's gaze I rush into the station...check for a sec CAMBRIDGE...platform 10...I glance at my watch it was 5:01, darn I would have missed this one too, i should have taken that 10£ ticket itself, oh man Parul's gonna eat me alive, I won't attend her call, I run and with everything in my body still flickering in motion I ask the Indian looking guy at the end of a queue...is this to cambridge?? He says yes!! Ahhhhhhhhhh what a relief!! I keep shaking for the next 5 minutes and then decide to pick parul's call, tell her everything, smile and wait...then I look at my watch it is 5:15 darn Why does it happen to me...when I am late the bus is early when I am early why is the bus always late....disgust!! I decide to shove down the emotions with a samosa...buy one, finish eating one, and then some polo as well. The tyres start to roll only at 5:40...What the heck!! the driver is lost...I take my seat, look out of the window... showers!! Showers in London are exciting...
Thursday, 14 June 2007
A breather!!
Hidden fears,
A storm rises;
then calms...
Rests it doesn't!
Restricted and refrained, screams
Quite surrenders,
Stillness haunting
Qualms undeciphered, unpredictable,
they rise and I fall...tumble uncontrollably...
under my fears, a hope squished,
breathing heavy and faith taking its last breath...
Puff!!! light,
A storm rises;
then calms...
Rests it doesn't!
Restricted and refrained, screams
Quite surrenders,
Stillness haunting
Qualms undeciphered, unpredictable,
they rise and I fall...tumble uncontrollably...
under my fears, a hope squished,
breathing heavy and faith taking its last breath...
Puff!!! light,
Tuesday, 22 May 2007
Rattle Rattle...
Mid-life and identity crisis...two very different forms of a situation that can arise perpetually in any person's life. Well they come uninvited and sit just right next to you on a bench atop a mountain that looks down on a sea...u don't want it there with you but it sticks like it just doesn't have anywhere else to go...
I write and I write and then I erase
Thoughts are cramped, feelings mixed
Want to publish a book, each page a chapter.
-x-x-x-xx-x-x-x-x-x-x--x-xx-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-xx
To wade through a sea of wails
Stand on the beach and teach whales how to smile
To hold a tender body close
Read a mind better than myself
Sleep in a heart made of red and pink feathers and a bit of flesh
Sit on a bench and let the world just BE...
I dream yet again...
Will I ?
-x-x-x-x--x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-xx--x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
I write and I write and then I erase
Thoughts are cramped, feelings mixed
Want to publish a book, each page a chapter.
-x-x-x-xx-x-x-x-x-x-x--x-xx-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-xx
To wade through a sea of wails
Stand on the beach and teach whales how to smile
To hold a tender body close
Read a mind better than myself
Sleep in a heart made of red and pink feathers and a bit of flesh
Sit on a bench and let the world just BE...
I dream yet again...
Will I ?
-x-x-x-x--x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-xx--x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Saturday, 12 May 2007
Assumptions and truth!!
Quiet...very quiet...if I slide the volume control of the laptop just a little to my right, it would be quieter in this 10X10 room with cream painted walls and sardinal blue curtains that speak more when they are hung and not drawn. The table clock that has stopped ticking gives me a stare from behind my computer screen, I'm scared but this white screen shields me from glares that are aiming to target my moments of uselessness. The mirror in front is rarely looked at because it shows someone so full of unnecessary misery to me!!My stare snaps in a fraction of a second, I hate this! CrouchedI am paining the bed more than ever now. It hasn't had much rest since yesterday. Where do I go in this 10X10 cell...did i say cell...well thats what it looks like at night....with the curtains drawn and when every single moment of the day ticks pass and I do nothing!!!
Assumptions are made and surpassed, saturation points reached and passed, all within the confinement! I wake up to the sounds of chaurasiya's flute that took ages to download and now I realize it's time to sleep! Looking forward to tomorrow!!
Assumptions are made and surpassed, saturation points reached and passed, all within the confinement! I wake up to the sounds of chaurasiya's flute that took ages to download and now I realize it's time to sleep! Looking forward to tomorrow!!
Wednesday, 2 May 2007
Thoughts whiz by
Got up early morning today...had a class to catch...mornings have always had me thinking...refer to last post. Dadaji's (grandpa in hindi) face floats right infront of eyes...He used to wake me up early mornings during exams for tea.....I never liked it then and it always failed to wake me up from my dreams.....ahhh....WONDEROWRLD...Today, I made myself a cuppa coffee...to stay awake in the class...Habits die hard!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thoughts whiz past...
I wasn't so...I am today...
I sit up with footsteps,
Words are long,
shoulders cripple me...
And so I stand, as I am!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thoughts whiz past...
I wasn't so...I am today...
I sit up with footsteps,
Words are long,
shoulders cripple me...
And so I stand, as I am!
Sunday, 29 April 2007
Morning blues
Mornings fail to amuse me anymore, they just exist...
As I woke up without the irritating mobile alarm on my pillow a thought dented my upper half of the body...from a pounding headache to the corners of eyes which were wet and a mouth that was spechless the thought reached the little blue ticking clock that beats under constantly itching skin...and it pinned most here...
He said he would wake me up, he can't...
He said he would tell me everything, he didn't...
He said he would stay forever, he wouldn't!
----------xxxxxxxxxx-------------xxxxxxxxxxxxx----------------xxxxxxxxxxxxx
As I woke up without the irritating mobile alarm on my pillow a thought dented my upper half of the body...from a pounding headache to the corners of eyes which were wet and a mouth that was spechless the thought reached the little blue ticking clock that beats under constantly itching skin...and it pinned most here...
He said he would wake me up, he can't...
He said he would tell me everything, he didn't...
He said he would stay forever, he wouldn't!
----------xxxxxxxxxx-------------xxxxxxxxxxxxx----------------xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Monday, 16 April 2007
{incomplete
Time...its wierd! I wonder if the road ahead has a curve that takes me to my destination...
Saturday, 14 April 2007
Sunday, 1 April 2007
Choices are half chance
A walk into the massive buidling is often questioned but seldom halted. Right opposite to the street where uncouth youth rarely wander and where elegantly dressed young men and women look through the windows of brightly lit cafes, stands one of the most influential media organisations of the world on the other side of the road...THE BBC...
I stop and I look at the guard from a distance, then look at my expensive rich coat that my sister sent as a birthday present last year.Hmmm..I wade across confidently looking on both sides of the road for traffic....there is a lot here everyday I think...
Move in and a huge mansion welcomes...two ladies behind a large desk right at the entry welcoming but busy, their names on the badges don't show...Contemplations....Mr K is convivial yet an air of non-believability whizzes past my head. Dad's distant friend he had generously responded to show me around the house - 'Bush House'.
First stop- cafeteria, ahhh....relief I respond to coffee like a whailing baby to mother's milk. Glee.
over the next half an hour I try my best to impress Mr K of my abilities and my strengths. Futile...He wanted to put an end to my father's persuasion somehere I belive. He was good no doubt, perhaps helpless...It's not how british media works...There ought be an order in haphazzerdness as well. Hopes at bay...
Coffee tastes bitter, it doesn't happen often but it does, in times of dissapointment.
Listen to...'Wasted I feel' on the way back home but contemplations continue long after the incident.
Today, no issue with Mr K, jolly good he seems, a bit cold but then its not his fault, thats how it is here in London...or is it universal something to do with media ogres...i mean media organisations?
Competition and hopes are deceptive and I tend to stray but I have some from myself and when the ruthless egos of people crush these I feel strangled. Simpler terms: my chance to earn a job in UK ended with "It is difficult to get a media job in this country" ...Why did I choose to come here and complete education...flickers...Choices are half chance....I took mine!!
I stop and I look at the guard from a distance, then look at my expensive rich coat that my sister sent as a birthday present last year.Hmmm..I wade across confidently looking on both sides of the road for traffic....there is a lot here everyday I think...
Move in and a huge mansion welcomes...two ladies behind a large desk right at the entry welcoming but busy, their names on the badges don't show...Contemplations....Mr K is convivial yet an air of non-believability whizzes past my head. Dad's distant friend he had generously responded to show me around the house - 'Bush House'.
First stop- cafeteria, ahhh....relief I respond to coffee like a whailing baby to mother's milk. Glee.
over the next half an hour I try my best to impress Mr K of my abilities and my strengths. Futile...He wanted to put an end to my father's persuasion somehere I belive. He was good no doubt, perhaps helpless...It's not how british media works...There ought be an order in haphazzerdness as well. Hopes at bay...
Coffee tastes bitter, it doesn't happen often but it does, in times of dissapointment.
Listen to...'Wasted I feel' on the way back home but contemplations continue long after the incident.
Today, no issue with Mr K, jolly good he seems, a bit cold but then its not his fault, thats how it is here in London...or is it universal something to do with media ogres...i mean media organisations?
Competition and hopes are deceptive and I tend to stray but I have some from myself and when the ruthless egos of people crush these I feel strangled. Simpler terms: my chance to earn a job in UK ended with "It is difficult to get a media job in this country" ...Why did I choose to come here and complete education...flickers...Choices are half chance....I took mine!!
Pringle mulls over a blog...
For someone so oddly emotional and un-receptive like me launching a blog for the public eye was rather difficult, but non-receptive behaviours have always been a challenge for my brain and I usually like to win...
Result...
A fake name (read identity) and specious creations on a phoney notebook. Undettered by challenges I will try to etch my name in the history of techno world!
Result...
A fake name (read identity) and specious creations on a phoney notebook. Undettered by challenges I will try to etch my name in the history of techno world!
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